Love the guy or hate the guy, there is no doubt that he’s one of the best athletes on the face of the planet. Personally, I think he can be a little much at times. Like get the fuck out of here with Taco Tuesdays or your over the top reactions to Bronnie making a left handed layup. With all that being said, I will say Lebron could be a weapon on the gridiron. Before we get started, I like to point out I said could. Not would. There are so many factors that need to be taken into consideration.

First things first, let’s talk about athleticism. The dude is a freak athlete, so there should be no issues there. He’s 6’9″, weighs 250 lbs. and supposedly runs a 4.6 40-yard dash. Needless to say he’s no NAF. He would be a redzone mismatch nightmare for opposing coaches. Like who are you gonna put on him? Can’t put an LB on him because he’s just too athletic and you can’t ask a DB to cover a guy who’s 6’9″ and has a 40 inch vert. That’s unfair to ask. So when it comes to athleticism Lebron is an OC’s wet dream.

But lets talk about the things are outside of Lebron’s control. He would’ve been going to the Cowboys, America’s team. He would’ve been on an 8-8 squad that got 3rd in their division in 2011. So it’s not like he’s joining the Patriots or the Packers. He would’ve been joining a team that only went 2-4 in their division and besides the Giants, the division was very weak. Some could argue that the Giants weren’t even that good. They just got hot at the right moment. Now I’m not an idiot, or least I’m not that big of an idiot. I understand that adding Lebron would be a bonus. But do I think he gets them enough wins to be a serious contender in the NFC? No. And that’s because the Cowboys had Tony Romo leading the charge. We all know Tony has been killing it as an analysist but lets be real. The guy wasn’t a championship contender quarterback. I even said when I was like 10 that the Dallas Cowboys wouldn’t be any good if Romo was around. I said that as a 10 year old.

Twitter: @paddyp3000

Easy answer: yes

Tom Hanks has proven time and again that he is without a doubt the most stand-up guy in movie history. I’m not talking about him as an actual human being. That is a whole other story. I’m talking about his movie characters. He does not play a bad guy. Never. Each character he plays is a model citizen and is someone we all should try to be. Just to name a few, we’ve got Forest Gump, Chuck Noland, Joe Fox, Sam Baldwin, Mr. Rogers, Captain Phillips and Sully. Again, I could probably name more but it would literally be his whole iMDB profile. Some of these characters are even unrealistically nice.

For starters: Chuck Noland. This guy is stuck on an island for FOUR YEARS. All by himself with nothing but a fucking volleyball to keep him company. The only thing keeping him going is the thought of his girl, who he had proposed to prior to going missing. He finally gets rescued and discovers that his girlfriend moved on. She now is married to someone he knew prior to going missing and even has a kid with this guy. There are two things Chuck could’ve done. 1) he could’ve tried to do what most guys would’ve done and fight back for the love of his life. Sure he would’ve been a home wrecker, but if it wasn’t for the crash he and his girlfriend would be the ones married and with a kid. Then there’s option 2) realize that shit happens for a reason and that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Let your ex-fiance live her life in peace and not end a marriage. Again, I think most men would’ve done option #1. Hell even his ex wanted option #1. She was ready to go to pound town with him as her husband slept upstairs. But no, what does Noland do? He does the mature thing. He lets life take its course and decides not to be the step-dad. STAND. UP. MOVE.

Now let’s look ate Joe Fox. Fox has seen nothing but women come and go in his life. I’m not talking about his own love life either. He’s had step-mom after step-mom. Hell, he’s even had a list of step-grandmas. The Fox men will fuck anything. Except Joe. Throughout You’ve Got Mail, we see interactions between Joe and his step-mom. I’ll be the first to say it, his step-mom was sort of a babe. She makes pass after pass on Joe and each time she does the thought of Joe taking her up on the offer never crosses your mind because it’s Tom Hanks. He would never in a million years sleep with his gold digging step-mom and ruin his fathers relationship. To make Hanks look even better, he is a saint to his step-aunt (who is like 8 years old) and his step brother (who is like 4). This guy has every right to be bitter and want nothing to do with them. I mean you have to think every time he looks at them, he’s reminded of sadness and failed love. But no, Fox does the right thing and puts all that behind him. He is the model citizen in this instance which makes him a STAND. UP. GUY.

Lastly, we’ll look at Captain Phillips. This one is a pretty simple analysis. Phillips risks his own life to save the members of his ship. I know this character is based on a real person and a true story so I’m not gonna give Hanks too much credit on this one. However, I will say Hollywood nailed the casting. Who else would play a stand up character than Tom Hanks? Same goes with Sully. I bet they even lied about a few aspects of the movie because they had Hanks in the movie. For example, Phillips was actually sort of nice to some of the pirates. And I don’t think he was faking it to safe his own ass. I think it was because Hanks would actually be nice to pirates in real life. He was also a saint to the nurse at the end of the movie. Let’s be honest, she was sort of being a bitch. Very demanding, not super understanding of what happened to Phillips. But of course, Hanks is a STAND. UP. PERSON.

The list for stand-up characters Hanks plays could go on for days. I think there is some unspoken rule in Hollywood that makes it so Hanks can’t play a bad person. His behavior on the big screen has carried over to real life and that is why Hanks is truly an American Hero. The guy can do no wrong and is someone everyone should aspire to be.

Twitter: @paddyp3000

I’m fucking back!!!! As you all know, I am a college student and due to this whole COVID-19 situation, I thought this would be a perfect time to focus on school. Yeah, ik what you all are thinking, “what a fucking nerd. this loser cares about school”. But what you all forget is that school has never been easier. Online school is a joke. If you know someone complaining about online schooling then they’re a pussy. There I said it. “Oh I miss my classmates” or “how am I suppose to do labs online?”. WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK!?!? Just shut up. School has never been easier. I haven’t been or watched a legit lecture since early March. I do school maybe 3 days a week. I love it. I might make the honor roll (might, not guaranteed). But now I need to get back to the blog. And guess what???? I am fucking back.

I plan on posting at least once a day throughout the summer. I might get ambitious and post twice, maybe three times a day. Who knows?!? That’s the beauty of this blog. It’s entirely up to me. If I don’t wanna post, I don’t have to. If I want to post 4 blogs in a day, I can. It’s all up to me. So sit back, relax and get ready for The Average College Kid.

Twitter: @paddyp3000

Last night I was scrolling through what was on TV. I came across the usual stuff. South Park marathon, Coronavirus coverage, some HGTV rerun. On AMC, The Karate Kid Part II was on, so what did I do? I did what any guy would do. I poured myself a drink and let myself get immersed in 80’s glory. I’ll make it clear, the first KK is better than the second by a mile but I’m still a fan of the trilogy. I seen all three about a hundred times. I grew up watching them on VHS, so I can sit down and watch them no matter how much of the movie I’ve missed. Last night I got into the movie when Daniel is telling his love interest that she should leave Japan and come back to the US with him because he “loves her”. When he said that it hit me. Daniel Larusso is a very horny fuck.

I’ve heard the theories that Daniel is actually the villain in the original KK and that makes sense to me. He moves in and steals this guys gf. Sure the guy was a dick but Daniel was sort of being a little Jersey rat. Regardless of how I feel bout that situation, I’ve never thought about how horny Daniel actually was. In all three movies, this kid is constantly trying to get his pecker touched. In the first movie, we thought we saw Daniel meet his forever. The amount of ass kickings he took for her had use thinking he’d do anything for her. That they’d stand the test of time. I mean for fuck sakes he learned and mastered karate for her.

Quickly in the second movie, we find that they broke up and that she left him for some older guy (tough scene Daniel, I understand the feeling). What does Daniel do? He gets away from his home base and travels all the way to Japan with Mr. Miyagi. I respect that move. His heart has been broken and he needs to escape and rediscover himself. Logically, Daniel looks for a rebound. Again, he finds a girl who may or may not have a bf. Of course this guy also knows karate. At this point, wouldn’t Daniel think to stop going after girls who are dating testosterone overloaded guys who think it’s cool to do karate. That’s neither here nor there. Daniel tries to seduce her with his Jersey rat charm. When things are looking bleak, Daniel throws a Hail Mary in order to get in her panties. He drops the big “I love you”. Wooooooaaaaahhhh. It’s at this point I realize Larusso is a fuck boy and will do anything to get into a chicks pants. At the end of this movie, Daniel of course gets the girl and we come to find that at the beginning of the third movie he’s had enough of her and ends it.

So going into the third, one might think “Daniel has had tough luck with the lady folk. Maybe he should just shut it down this movie”. NOPE. Absolutely not. Daniel comes out strong in the third movie. He moves quick and efficiently. He takes up spelunking and pottery. I’m pretty sure he even learns how to make homemade Mac n cheese for this girl. To nobodies surprise, Daniel nails the chick and its left to our imagination to find out what happens after that.

In conclusion, Daniel is super horny. Throughout three movies, he learns how to do karate, drive stick shift, how to speak Japanese and their customs, spelunking, pottery and how to cook. All for getting the chance to do the dance with no pants. This again goes back to my theory that everything a guy does is about sex. The antics of Daniel Larusso is a prime example of such theory. If a guy needs to learn karate to get the girl, then the guy masters karate. If he needs to go cave diving, for fuck sakes get your ass in that cave. At this point in my young life, I am learning that there truly is no limit to how far a guy will go for sex.

Twitter: @paddyp3000

I may be super late to the game here but I just saw this video of Jeremy Nowak and this has to be the closest thing to a real life Happy Gilmore. The guy was a 2010 MLB draft pick and he uses his explosiveness to launch golf balls into orbit. I’m sure his short game sucks and that’s why we haven’t seen him in the PGA, but fuck. This guy can smoke the shit out of the ball. Even his swing screams Happy. So unorthodox. No swing coach would ever tell you to swing like that.

Tbh I have no clue what I’m talking about considering I’ve never played a full 18 holes, but I do know this guy is legit. Again, I know nothing about golf but if this guy was on the tour, I’d watch. He’s electric, just like my blue eyes. Maybe someone will take him to a mini golf course so he can work on his short game and he’ll be the next big thing. Hi, I’m a baseball player playing golf today.

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/56b6d6d5-7d40-4f51-9879-92b56ec2c4da

Full Story here: https://toofab.com/2020/04/07/mayor-sends-police-to-break-up-coronavirus-party-finds-wife-there/

An Illinois mayor got some shocking news when he issued a city wide stay at home order this weekend. Police officers broke up a Coronavirus party at 1 am on a Sunday morning and who was at that party? None other than the mayor’s wife. Ok let’s be real here. A Coronavirus party? At 1 am on a Saturday night? This was some sort of freaky sex thing. Why else do you think he’s not showing her any mercy? It’s not because he wants to set an example out of her. No, it’s because she got caught participating in an orgy. If she really was just hanging out with friends, maybe enjoying a bottle of wine and a charcuterie board, then this wouldn’t come as a surprise to the mayor. Hell, he might’ve even joined them. But this was not the case. No, his wife was being a sexy little minx and her old dick husband wasn’t invited to the gangbang. This is a tough time for everyone, but things just got a whole lot tougher for this mayor.

Twitter: @paddyp3000

Story: https://www.foxnews.com/sports/nfl-virtual-format-for-draft-amid-coronavirus

Roger Goodell announced that this years draft will be virtual due to COVID-19. It was only a matter of time before this was gonna be announced. I love this move by the NFL. Yeah it sucks for the guys who would be attending the draft. I get that being able to actually attend the draft is a pretty cool experience, but if you look back at the past drafts more and more guys weren’t attending. I mean I don’t blame them. Why would you want to get all dressed up to find out you’re gonna be a bust in a shit-hole city like Cleveland or Cincinnati.

Now more than ever fantasy football owners are gonna feel like they could be NFL GM. That’s essentially what this year is. A glorified fantasy football draft. I’m sure we’re going to have some teams forget what time the draft is and have to be on auto-draft and demand a redraft or perhaps a GM who only drafts hometown hero. I would love to see the NFL bring the smack board into this. How wild would it be if we could actually see NFL GMs talk shit. You’d have to imagine this would be Joe Douglas or Kevin Colbert’s worst nightmare. Everyone just shitting on you for how lousy of a GM you are.

Twitter: @paddyp3000

Tonight I decided to watch Lethal Weapon. Now I’ve heard really good things about this movie. I’ve heard that it’s an action classic. That it’s one of the top movies from the 80’s. What I failed to hear is that there is a very weird scene at the beginning of the movie. The movie introduces Danny Glover’s character, Roger Murtaugh, very early in the film (second scene to be exact). The scene takes place in Murtaugh’s bathroom, where Murtaugh is taking a bath (1st weird thing to happen). All of a sudden his WHOLE family barges in with a birthday cake and proceeds to sing happy birthday to him (2nd weird thing). Once they are done singing he makes everyone give him a kiss (while he’s in the bath….NAKED) (3rd weird thing). The only one who doesn’t is his 12 year old son, who has to realize how fucking weird all of this is. Next everyone leaves except his 16 year old daughter, where she gives him shit for being old and then plays with his beard (4th weird thing), while he’s in the bathtub…..NAKED. Just let that all sink in.

Look, I understand that this was the 80’s and things might’ve been different back then, but come on. This is weird on soooooo many levels. The whole time this scene was playing out all I could think about is that all of his kids, who are somewhat old, are looking at their dad’s old dick. Idk how that passed the writing room. Imagine how awkward that must’ve been for the actors and actresses in the scene because I have a strong feeling Glover was probably really naked for that scene. Imagine how awkward it must’ve been to view this in a theater full of strangers. I’m lucky. I got to view thais by myself in my house. Despite all of this, I like the film and I recommend it to anyone.

[Insert Lethal Weapon saxophone riff]

Twitter: @paddyp3000

Cursive, the biggest lie a teacher ever told you. I’m sure most of you grew up with this idea that cursive was going to be everywhere in the adult world. When I learned it in 3rd grade, my teacher told me that if I didn’t master cursive that life would be very difficult for me. Well guess what Mrs. Davenport? I’m doing just fine and it’s no thanks to your lousy advance. That lady use to drill it into my head that if I couldn’t write in cursive then I was destined to work a minimum wage job my whole life. It would be one thing if Veronica Vaughn was teaching me cursive. At least she was a smoke. Mrs. Davenport was some middle aged woman who smelled like death and would always ramble about how great her stupid kids were.

I honestly don’t know a single person who writes in cursive. Actually I take that back. I have encountered two people that write in cursive and they fucking suck. One of them was an English professor I had my freshman year. She use to write in cursive because she legit thought that it made her more intellectual. Do you know how dumb you have to be to actually believe that nonsense? I’m not surprised she got canned a year later. No one could read her lecture notes because THEY WERE IN FUCKING CURSIVE. The other was one of my little brothers friend. The kid was weird. He would always come over to our house and study with my little brother. Like 6th grade ACTUALLY matters. Don’t be a weirdo and study ancient Mesopotamia, go do normal middle school shit like discover porn or talk to sexual predators on Omegle.

Twitter: @paddyp3000

Fuck. This. Guy. I don’t think I’ve ever been more put off watching anything than I did viewing this. For those who are normal and have no clue who this guy is he is the “Singing Dentist”. He is known for singing parodies of songs and putting them on YouTube for all to see. All I have to say is stick to drilling holes in peoples teeth and overcharging for basic check-ups. Everything from his eye brow movements at the beginning of the video to watching him lather his bald fucking head with hand sanitizer is just a no for me. He’s even wearing a shirt with his own face on it. This guy STINKS. I’m all for the message but just not from him. If I were one of his patients and I saw this, there is a fat chance I never schedule another appointment with him again. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me they received an email from their home owner association announcing he’s moved into the neighborhood. He just gives me the creeps.

And to think I went from watching The Rock put a smile on my face to watching this fucking guy. Day: Ruined.

Twitter: @paddyp3000